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FOR SALE: One used Republican presidential candidate. $454 million, firm.
Don’t miss out on this great opportunity to own a Republican presidential candidate!
Donald Trump is a used, one-term former president in peak mental and physical condition – many say they’ve never seen a former president so fit – who would prove an asset to any buyer seeking political influence, substantial tax breaks or an opportunity to undermine western democracy.
Is Trump a billionaire?Maybe not. Rich-guy Donald Trump can’t find money for bond. How about a MAGA bake sale?
To date, this presidential candidate has never been wrong about anything and has done everything – from managing his businesses to calling foreign leaders seeking dirt on his political rivals – perfectly.
Experience includes: Being the best Republican president in American history, even better than Abraham Lincoln; forging close, admiring relationships with notorious dictators; and almost-successfully overthrowing a RIGGED presidential election.
Trump’s affinity for autocrats:Trump keeps praising dictators like Hitler and Kim Jong Un. Will Republicans ever care?
This one-of-a-kind, pristine Trump model comes complete with legions of authoritarian-curious supporters who are easily convinced to trade their money for cheap red hats and unkept promises, as well as an array of New York real-estate assets the candidate very much does not want the state to seize to pay for a recent $454 million business fraud judgment.
The candidate is skilled at bankruptcy and has extensive experience selling: steaks, vodka, mortgages, board games, ice, a university, himself, plane flights and a magazine.
Seller is highly motivated and will include all of the candidate’s family members, his impressive portfolio of 90-plus criminal indictments, a $50 gift certificate good on purchases of $1,000 or more at his Mar-a-Lago resort gift shop in Florida, one random box of classified government documents and a free autographed copy of his best-selling book “The Art of the Deal” ($1 million shipping and handling not included).
Please note, the candidate is missing: morals, scruples, a basic sense of human decency, the ability to think outside one’s self, empathy, remorse, a moral center, loyalty, coherent thoughts and an understanding of how laws work.
Please note, the candidate is missing: morals, scruples, a basic sense of human decency, the ability to think outside one’s self, empathy, remorse, a moral center, loyalty, coherent thoughts and an understanding of how laws work. 